Resolutions

Well, it’s that time of the year again. The weather is getting colder, the holiday season has officially started, and the time for reconciliation is more important than ever as we approach a new decade.
I thought I’d finish what one of my friends was trying to post on here regarding finding your identity, and making people respect that, not only for moral or ethical reasons, but also on a legal one, as well. I have had a bit of issues with this, but not nearly as much, at least not yet, anyway.
First of all, I believe that we have grown accustomed to naming and giving our kids an identity based on what their personality or physique reminds of of. No doubt we do the same with our pets. We automatically give them names that will remain with them for life, or until, if it is a human, or a pet who is smart enough to know that they like a different name and refuse to come to you when you call them by that name, they would have an opportunity to redefine their identity later.
Also, I want to emphasise that nobody here asked to be brught into this world. That’s why it is important that we not disown them or make their lives harder just for being themselves. Our parents brought us here, and their parents brought our parents here, and so on and so forth. How many people have said to themselves or others, I never wanted to be here? I’m sure we’ve been down that road. I know I have. That’s why I wrote my testimony.
I never asked to be brought into the world. I never asked to be born with a condition that would cost me my eyesight, and later, most of my hearing. I never asked to be put into conditions I have no control over now. I never asked to be dealt these cards. But, thanks to how things turned out, and thanks to the direction my life had taken, I am still living at home with an older brother who has fought for control of self-determination, and several legal battles to attend. I could’ve gone to college when I was just out of high school, but nobody told me things I was going to come across until it was too late. But, because I am being civily disobedient, I refuse to do anything with school until the situation has been remedied.
However, there are some things I will not change about myself. I am proud of having discovered who I am, who I should’ve been born as, how I should’ve been addressed all my life, and what things I should’ve had a long time ago. The only problem is that a lot of people assume that I wasn’t born that way, I just chose to be that way and put on this persona that isn’t really me, that I am just pretending. No, I am not pretending at all. This is the true, real me. I had to grow up and grow into a new body, mind and spirit. Is it called coming out of the cupboard? Is it like coming out of one’s shell? Maybe it’s more about coming into something, finding your true name. Have you heard of people who rechristen their crafts to improve their luck? That’s how it is for me. I rechristened myself. I gave myself the identity that was so erroneously shoved onto me by what my parents thought was appropriate for me at the time. I got rid of the identity that was associated with negative memories and had trauma and abuse attached to it. I can’t say that I grew out of it, though, because it would imply that I liked it, but I decided later that it wasn’t for me.
However, when people look at me, they don’t see the real me. They see someone who they automatically perceive to be masculine. That is not how I want to be perceived, but I can’t help the way I look. And, while I cannot see how I look, I would imagine that it would look as if I were seeing a stranger in a Photograph. Tom Henrik. Someone told me, long ago, I was broken and it stuck. Strong Enough by Bobby Joe Valentine.
I have been asked by people in the LGBTQIA+ community why, if I don’t like being called male pronouns, do I not transition to a female binary gender? Well, I chose to legally recognise my gender as nonbinary because I think it is easier for me to look androgynous. If I could look more female, I would do it in a heartbeat. But, this is what I have to work with. That’s why, more than ever, I want these groundbreaking procedures to reach clinical trials by the 2020’s. We don’t have to be defined by anybody else. Fractal, by Kim Boekbinder.
So, it’s a bitter pill to swallow, and it’s one I have to swallow almost every day. What can I do to reduce the potency of this pill? What switches would I need to flick so that I wouldn’t have to deal with this any more? What can I do if I find somebody who says to me, I don’t care what your birth certificate, court order, ID, etc says. I’ve made up my mind and you can’t change it. I’ll call you by whatever I feel like calling you. That hasn’t happened to me yet, but I still wonder….
I heard that in some places, you can get your birth certificate changed at the administrative level without having to go to court and potentially publishing your name change in the newspaper or anywhere else. The only thing you would’ve needed was a doctor’s note or a note from a sworn health authority that affirmed your gender identity. Quite a few states are starting to legally recognise third gender markers, but the federal government is not yet one of them. But, that’s one of the things I like about the professional world. When you change your name, they will go back and update everything and make it look as if you were always that name. This doesn’t happen everywhere. For example, baptism registries will still have your old name. If you were written about in the media (good or bad) those will still have your old name. The sad news is that they have no legal obligation for them to update it.
Unfortunately, I was told that there may be certain entities that will not accept a birth certificate as proof of name change. I mean, you could say, Well, who can argue the validity of the certificate? You can’t argue with a doctor. Similarly, you can’t argue with a lawyer or judge, especially if they have PH.Ds. It is official as it gets. However, I was lucky in that Oregon has amended a statute that wouldn’t require you to go to a hearing or publish the name change in the newspaper. All I needed to do was attest that I was going through surgical, hormonal, or other treatment for the purposes of affirming gender identity. That resulted in the judge ordering that my old name be replaced with my new legal name… the name I’ve always wanted and should’ve had, as well as legally recognising me as gender nonbinary. The judge also ordered the court records to be sealed, so that nobody could access them. Not everybody was so lucky. There is a judge here in Oregon who is refusing to issue gender nonbinary markers, of which several amici curiae briefs have been prepared by Basic Rights Oregon and American Civil Liberties Union.
Anyway, I have thought hard about what I should do now that I have a key to unlock many locks. Could I use it in a situation where someone insists on Deadnaming or misgendering me? I found this Quora post to be pretty interesting. My therapist said that I should not jump to the big things, but rather, think on a micro-level scale first before going to the macro-level. For example, should I sue someone just because they called me sir or man? Why not see if they are willing to listen and be trained accordingly?
Because of my hearing loss, I have a greater tendency to sound more masculine when I talk on the phone, but sometimes I am called madamme and I always feel warm and fuzzy when they do. Of course, it’s hard to do that in person, unless the person I was talking to was completely blind. This actually happened to me a few months ago when I went to a retreat. Someone addressed me as lady, girl, and possibly something else, and oh my gosh! How I loved it when they did!!!
I would like to detail two situations, both good and bad, in which I was able to redirect the conversation. In the first situation, I went to accompany the majority of the of a group participants to an activity, and I met somebody there who remembered me from my O&M days. Of course, I didn’t know anything about them. So, when they asked me what my name was, I gave them my new, legal name. Sometime later, they asked me if I knew Deadname. I was, like, huh? Did I hear you aright? I asked them to repeat the question. I said that I didn’t know anyone with that name. They were, like, ‘Oh, well, he was in your group, too.’ I felt so happy when that person couldn’t associate me with that name.
A few days later, my mum and I went somewhere. One thing to note, however, was that I have estranged from certain family members and relatives. I do not want them to know about my legal name change until after I had moved out, and I am a long distance away from them. Therefore, when we went to this place, she had informed the staff what my name was. Only, of course, she didn’t know that I had legally changed it. Instead she gave them my Deadname. So, when I got home and saw the E-mails I have requested, they all bore my old legal name. So, I wrote back and attached the court order to prove to them that I no longer used that name.
Oh, and one more situation that I didn’t remember until now: I have had a bit of a problem changing my name with Experian and CreditKarma because I have been getting correspondences from them under my old name. So, I called my LegalShield provider firm and told them the situation. They were able to write up a letter, and we heard back from them, and they sent me a new credit report with my new legal name on it.
Now, it’s a matter of fact before I need to let other people know. For instance, if my mother writes a will, she may use my old legal name. But I think it should be okay if I still have a copy of the court order and birth certificate that show my old and new legal name.

Basically, because I’ve worked so hard on this name change, I call it a transition more than anything because this represented a sort of self discovery and me finding out who I really was, rather than something a small amount of closed-minded people said that what they refer me as is what they think I am and what they think I should be.
That’s how little and how unfavourably and how disconnected I was to that name. I didn’t feel like me. Of course, when I filled out the paperwork, I had to give a more compelling reason because I knew that just saying I didn’t like it, while it may or might not have been sufficient, to me to just simply say I didn’t like it as a reason wasn’t good enough in terms of effort. I’m sure most judges would accept ‘because I just don’t like it’ as a reason, but I wanted the judge to have some sympathy for me as far as the fact that, in most states, in order to change your name, you need to publish your intentions in a newspaper. Being forced to publish that in the newspaper would’ve jeopardised my safety, as I would’ve had to give them so much personal information, it’s unreal. All digressing aside, I’m glad I’m part of a protected group. I used the fact that we still live in a world where it’s still unsafe to be LGBT, and the judge basically waived all fees, waived my requirement to publish my name change and even sealed my case after it was all done, and after a while those case documents get destroyed.
With me, though, I don’t think I have much a case to sue anyone for disrespecting my name choice because, although I’m LGBT (being that I’m gay) I’m” not trans or gender queer or non binary so I can’t really use that as a cause of action, as I went from one name to another for the same gender.
But I digress. I was this 15 or 16 year old who wrote songs about coming out in my own identity, but I didn’t even know what the hell it meant to have an identity, let alone what it meant to come into my own! Now I see what it really means to have an identity and to come into your own. I look at it like this, and this may make me very unpopular in the LGBT community, maybe even hated, but why should I come out of the closet? It seems so inauthentic and like I’m drawing too much attention to myself. The way I see it, if someone asks me, ‘Am I out?’ we should just say, ‘Out? Out of where? I’m in, I came into my own.’ What do I need to come out from under, and why should I come out of a closet I never knew I was even supposed to be in in the first place!

F.C. So, Show me love on this living planet. Emma’s Revolution and Hundred Waters.
Those are some snippets of stuff one of my friends had written. Basically, no matter whether you are transgender, gender nonbinary, or gender nonconforming, or even someone who is not in the LGBTQIA+ community, you would still be going through a transition. I think the word transition should not only be used to refer to people who change from one gender identity to another, but to anyone who changes any aspect of their life in a significant way.
Therefore, if and when I have children, I will try to give them gender-neutral identities and refer to them as my child, and have them call me by portmanteaus of parent, mother, father, mum, dad, aunt, aunkle, niece, nephew, etc. Or, I can just have them call me by my first name, or an entirely made-up name or something in a different language. When they’re old enough to the point they start talking, I’ll have an initial conversation about whether they like their identity. I’ll have this conversation with them periodically at each milestone they complete. I want them to realise that they can’t rely on me to define who they are. They need to live their lives for themselves. I’ll be like, ‘Do you like your name? Do you like being called these pronouns?’ If they say yes, that’s great. If they say no, then we’ll have a discusson on how we can address the problem, so that they won’t have to go through what I, and so many others, had to go through.
So, together we’ll shout it out like a bird set free. Sia. Though the world may be cold and bitter, and we may be delicate and bruised, we will neither be destroyed nor our roots be pulled. Witch Hazel by Tom Gala. And believe me, We’re all scared. We must learn to help one another through these times and do whatever we can to uplift one another.
So, Now that I’ve about covered nearly all my past history since the last time I’ve posted in 2014 to 2019, I wanted to talk a little more about some of the mysteries of the brain based on some new experiences I’ve had and information I’ve gathered. Starting in the new year, I will talk about some interesting things that might bring us closer to winning a long-fought war.

Oblivion in Humankind

Hello again and welcome to my second post about what I do and how I do things. Today I will be covering some topics that I have explored and wondered. But before I dive into that, let me just give you a reminder that although I generally come up with very wild scientific ideas, I want to keep them all within human boundaries so that I do not pose as a risk to anyone, like erasing someone’s memory or killing someone, etc. Sometimes we just get so obsessed. That is why we work with models first, animals second, and then we finally hold clinical trials. So with that, I will go ahead and start.
So over the last few months I was noticing that our economy was becoming more and more competitive, and I had known this fact for a while now, but I began to research this further. When our country was first founded, it was decided to start off using the philosophy of John Locke, that we all want to abide by the laws of nature. When our financial system was built, it was obvious that we were going to be capitalists. However, this turned out to influence things in the future. Our founders knew that technology would change the future, so we became very flexible. Now, in our modern society, we have people who commit financial crimes and manipulate people just for their money. Now, what is the purpose of money? In scripture, it is stated that one who works will be one to earn a reward. If money did not exist, people would not become motivated to be a full contributer to society. Money and religion has had a history more than government and religion. This is one of the many reasons why we are not keeping up to standards in research. In Europe and other places, they are ahead, especially in things like free healthcare, and better welfare for people who are unable to contribute for one reason or another. So I think we should find a way to balance this out further.
A little more on professionalism: Why is it that we as professionals have low expectations from our clients that we generally have a negative attitude towards others? Because we are afraid of becoming too personally involved with them. One rule of being a doctor is to not get too involved with your patients. However, some professionals are often taken by surprise when they see how successful their clients have been after any form of therapy. It is needless to say that this is just another stereotype that we see in our society that we do not see anywhere else.
Why is it okay for a girl to be a tomboy but not okay for a boy to be a sissy? I read a recent blogue entry on http://broadblogs.com/ that details some of the explanations that men are superior to women, although this has become reversed due to the sexual revolution, and the decrease of repression. Even animals of the nonhuman species have begun to change. Often when a guy does something sissy, the girls would be impressed, but the other guys would tease them. This was early seen in Shakespeare’s time when he wrote about romeo and Juliet. When gals do something that is more of a tomboy, the guys like it, but the other girls feel like they are being shoved aside. If this continued they would react in similar ways when the person becomes questioning or something of that sort. Many of us two-spirit people can dominate in either way because to us it doesn’t matter being which. We are usually considered easy-going in our childhood, conforming to whatever we are asked to do without really thinking about it. I am a blind and hard-of-hearing individual, so I could not really form an opinion on what it was I liked what I saw or things like that. I was raised Catholic, and from what I understand, Catholicism says one must be raised a certain way. Truth is, I could not form an opinion on that either because I was not really involved. But what I found intriguing was the desire, the wanting to console others, the yearning to nurture, the dream-like atmosphere I loved being exposed to, the feeling that I wanted to show off my skills and abilities to others, etc. It helps knowing that every human being has both a masculine and feminine side, although nonbinary people can also have neutral sides as well. I became very intuitive and very perceptive and
enjoyed describing things with gestures and with excellent word diction. Whenever I’d ask my friends to describe a particular sensation, many would say that it would be hard to explain. Two reasons for this is because they don’t have the right word choices or because they are afraid that the other person would not believe them. But I always loved describing things that seemed impossible to describe. One possible reason for a change in roles that we have noticed in two-spirit people is because they feel they are more mentally and emotionally dominant than being physically dominant. They start to realise this, and they move to another end of the spectrum. Here is my version of the spectrum. If you can imagine two number lines tacked to a board by two thumb tacks, with a belt running through them, on the bottom one can be one label, like M or F, and the same thing is on the top. Both number lines have numbers from 0 being on the left to 100 being on the right. If you move one of the labels on the spectrum to the right, the other one will move to the left. The same thing will happen if you take the other label and move it to the left, the other will move to the right. This is one of many ways of putting a binary together.
A number of science both hard and soft theories have been proposed and tested. An experiment that I would like to see conducted is to take a male newborn and nurture it the same way a female baby would be nurtured, and vice versa. What I would like to find out if this child development difference will somehow be of impact to a person’s assigned role. Many people believe that parenting has nothing to do with people choosing to become transgender during their childhood, or being nonconforming variant, etc. A science theory states that being transgender might have to do with how much hormone balances they have. As you know, women have a lesser count of testosterone within thirty to forty percent than men have of oestrogen, which would be only five to ten percent. This means that if men were to have higher oestrogen count that matched how much women had of testosterone, their personalities would be altered. This means, better brain hardwiring, more observation, higher intuition, etc that are usually associated with women. The truth is, there are just too huge a number of possibilities. But let’s assume that we had no attire, no roles for males and females. Let us just assume that we had neutral things. A person’s baby personality will usually tell you what kind of a person they may be in life. If a person is born calm and mellow without crying, it is most likely going to be female. This is just one of the many stereotypes that are found. And, when they grew older, their thought patterns can be observed. Next week I will talk about “The Giver”, in which everyone goes into sameness. That might help you understand what I mean.
Now, how and why has the gender binary created? Here is one possible explanation that will be explored once I list the primary and secondary sex characteristics of males and females. I might also list problems with intersex and the castrati.
Men: XY chromosome, testosterone 50+ percent, oestrogen 10- percent, facial hair, body fat distribution to a male appearance, hard skin and prominant veins, Adam’s apple and deep voice and resonance, larger bodies, increased muscle mass, sweat and odour production.
Women: XX chromosome, oestrogen 50+ percent, testosterone 30- percent, no facial hair (some may have higher testosterone count), body fat distribution to female appearance, softer skin and no prominant veins, no Adam’s apple is shown, higher voice and resonance, smaller bodies, less muscle mass, different sweat and odour production than men.
Bearing these characteristics in mind, the binary was created based on finding attire and roles that matched these universal characteristics, after which was prevaled to different places around the world. However, there is the exception where men have naturally feminine characteristics and women have naturally masculine characteristics. It doesn’t matter whether or not the person’s mind is in sync with their bodies. It is possible for a feminine man to act like a man, though he might have to adapt because of his lack in strength, power, etc that is usually associated with machismo. Same thing for women who look like men. Note that genetics in growth and sex hormones can differ as wel. These are the ones we choose to be known as queer. These people were the ones who were crossed. This meant that the men would be the ones who would wear feminine attire and use cosmetology. Some cultures have crossed stereotypes, where men and women have equal proportion to their body characteristics and who have the same morals taught, the same nurturing, etc. This might be why in some places men wear jewlry and stuff like that. These become neuroplasticised into the brain, another thing that science has overlooked. One good example I can think of is how something may feel natural. As you know, due to these characteristics, men and women walk differently, though there are always variants. It is just like being left-handed–you are born with it. But what if the infant were blind. How would they learn to walk? You would have to programme that into their brain.
One reason we are starting to see more and more campaigns here in the Western world is because our cultures and societies have begun to be very extreme, physically and otherwise. Everyone feels like they want to be better than everyone else instead of being at their best for themselves. We have campaigns about what words we want to put an end to, how to make them sound less hurtful, etc. The concept of freedom of speech has been interpreted as being able to say whatever you like. But now we are starting to find out that using abusive speech is like libel and slander. So what if freedom of speech became more of a will to say whatever you wanted to say without humiliating anyone? Suppose Congress started to look at these campaigns and said, what if we rewrote or amended the constitution about why these changes are occurring? Many people who are pessimistic simply say, it’s life and you should deal with it. Those of us who are optimistic and who are in the realm of what life was originally meant to be are the ones to be the changers, the revolutionists and humanists, etc. We do not follow the leaders, we do not go on impulse. The truth is, why has this even begun? Why could we not teach future children the proper way to use such things? Rudeness is something that we as humans understand from right and wrong. Rudeness calls for many sayings, gestures, etc, which anyone can do, but it will require the interpretation of another human to know what that means before it is considered to be rude. As a two-spirit, we are often sought for advice on how to improve monogamy among young people. This is because we are greatly valued since we have a leg in both worlds. In our world, marriages and relationships are often led by women, are ended by women, etc. Men are usually the ones to be given the silent treatment and are the ones who don’t figure them out. Two-spirits are the ones who hardly ever fail relationships. The truth is that women, since they seem to be the leaders, want men to be more like them, which many find very dissonant.
Now, let us continue with some of the traits found in male and female species. Has anyone really studied these around the world? I will be posting a few sources to back up my statement. How does desires in sexual activity, courtship, pair-bonding, afection, etc differ in males and females, in terms of the binary? Something we noticed was that desire in humans branched between what the mind said versus what their bodies said. In recent studies, science has seen that females were the leaders in attractivity to get males to turn on their reproductive systems and so that females can release pleasure found within the pleasure centre of the brain. This is where Oestrogen got its root word Estro. But let us suppose we could transmit this sensation from a female brain and send it to an MtoF brain. What would they learn from that transmission? Same thing with male brains sending their pleasure sensation to FtoM’s. One of the studies that was being worked on was by Daniel Bergner, along with a few other sources I was able to collect data and test them on suspected individuals. In a nutshell, men and women’s, and brains in between, are wired differently. Women tend to be more intuitive, multitasking, etc. Men can only do one thing at a time, and are not really aware of emotions. Plus, they cannot be sissy because it gives them a lot of dissonance, not the case with women being tomboys. This is why men easily get irritated when asked of such. Also, a new study is being proposed to change the balance of hormones by doing some gene therapy to see if we can turn a completely masculine or feminine brain into the opposite or neutral state, and the new genes would increase the connections and physically rewire the brain and modify the person’s body for men, while in women, their brains would grow and lose connections. This might be useful to replace current procedures found in hormone replacement therapy. Why should we use synthetic hormones when we could use the body as the host? This person would then be able to tell us if they have a feeling of newly-awakened desires or more awareness. But one thing that I was wondering, is it possible to genetically engineer an adul than it is to design a baby? It all comes down to mitosis and meiosis. Our bodies are constantly being replaced every seven or ten years. So, I am sure it can be done in adults. The gene for Progeria, which is an ageing disorder, has been identified, and scientists hope to do a lot more than just cure people with it. https://www.progeriaresearch.org/the-science-behind-progeria/
In our English language, men and women, and those in between, speak in very different ways. Same thing with perception, integration, and interaction (I/O.) I am not sure if this is innate, or if they learn it through developmental observation. Some people, like myself who have perfect pitch can pick up on this and make that distinction. It is suggested that people’s rewired brain within the central and peripheral nervous system traits are passed onto their offspring, which means that future people might be programmed with natural and modified interactions. A show that I was inspired can be found at the following url: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sunketempletrust/2013/06/25/the-two-spirits-connection-with-the-sacred-tree-of-life
Another characteristic that was introduced into the gender binary was that people with feminine characteristics were the ones to be more colourful, more ornate, etc than those with masculine appearances. If you think of this in terms of music, masculine music is very bold and stern while feminine music is soft and dream-like. Neutral things have either a combination of the two, or no combination at all.
And finally, I would like to find out if having any disability such as blindness, hearing impairment, or any physical and mental disability, etc will influence a person’s soma and psyche in the long run. Blind people are one exception. They are described to have higher intuition than either men, women, or nonbinary people combined, so they could be a different gender entirely. I am not sure how men and women’s visual field differ, but it is said that the latter tend to have wider fields of view than the former. This might be as a result from a hunting and gathering trait passed down from ancient times.
Below are sources that we used to analyse these data sets.
Source 1: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-157528/Do-men-women-speak-different-languages.html
Source 2: http://hplusmagazine.com/2010/11/28/total-gender-change-within-decade/
source 3: http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TScauses.html
Source 4: http://www.genderspectrum.org/about/faq
Source 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geUJjwSBG-s&feature=em-subs_digest
Source 6: http://www.bilerico.com/2008/02/transgender_history_trans_expression_in.php
If a source link is broken or out of date, please let me know so I can change or remove it.
All research materials provided in this publication are to raise awareness to families, friends, educators, etc. The above material is a stepping stone for an introduction of new batteries for suspected people to undergo in the future. We should not focus so much on the obvious, but instead think about the possibilities. Commitment: If a volunteer chooses to partake of the research, they are encouraged to remain within communication. We are not learning much from them because they often withdraw and do not come back.

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